I was trying to think of a term of how I’m feeling right now…. I have my appointment at the hospital on Wednesday, for pre op assessment as well as a follow up appointment. I’ve also just had the blood test recently for Elhers Danlos, due to the multiple anourisms found when I had the hemorrhage… Recently I’ve been going dizzy when bending over, also in my sleep, it’s woken me up. I spoke to the specialist nurse, apparently it can be normal after the coilings I had…. It’s like Wtf… What happened? I feel like my life has been dragged through a wringer…. For the first time I can feel my eyes wetting up. Can’t really let anyone see though, I’m supposed to be the strong one…. Certainly don’t feel that way the moment….. Shitting myself to be honest… I keep telling myself, ” get creative, you know it helps…. ” I got some Indian stone last week, broken flags, Offerton sand and gravel did me a deal and I when I got home I sat and chopped it all up ready to do the driveway. I was in my element, sat with my lump hammer and chisel, I felt like ” me “again…..
As I’ve been writing this, a message came up, it was from a lovely woman who helps the fox man. I’ve offered to do a painting for their fundraising site, they’ve been helping me here, as there is a fox with four cubs coming into the back garden, she asked me can she call today with some images for the painting….. The foxes are beautiful and funny too, I watch them from the window. Last night though I was actually in the back garden when they came in, now I’m smiling at the thought of their antics. I’ll take what’s just happened,” the timely message ” as a sign, that it’s all going to be ok, here’s hoping anyway…. Meanwhile, I have a painting to do and shall take the greatest pleasure in doing so.
I will appreciate every aspect of my life, more so now than ever before. None of us know when things can change, each day really is a blessing, I’ve never realised it at much as I do right at this moment….
Have a beautiful day/eve Jen. XXX