Be back soon…

This gallery contains 2 photos.

It’s been a year since I last posted here. I’ve had a lot going on, but I’ll be back very soon now. ☺The creativity continued where possible, especially in the back garden. There’s been some major changes out there, but … Continue reading

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” Be still ” New version. (C) Arthouse Wijn-Ton 2012.

Jen. XXX 😊🎼🎨

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” Nowhere to reside. ” New song. (C) Arthouse Wijn-Ton 2015. :)


Jen. xxx

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Self Removal.

Before…

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At present…

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Jen. XXX

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Austere Britain. Hostile Britain. My viewpoint. 28/7/ 2015.

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A while back, I wrote a post, in it I talked a little about who I am, where I was born etc. I’ve never really elaborated on my circumstances or daily challenges, me I’d rather focus on the good, the magic, the essence of my creative realm. I always felt that if I did elaborate on my life, I may, or my family may and probably would be judged by some. I wanted folk to see who I really am, the creative being.

We all, as humans, I believe, come to this realm, to learn and expand our conciousness as a collective. Whether we like it or not, these life lessons are to teach and empower us as a collective. Problem with this system though, is that, I truly believe we are all enslaved, no need for shackles any more, a mind enslaved, is as much in shackles as the ” prisoner ” in the dock. ” Divide and conquer, ” well they’ve certainly succeeded on that front to a large degree haven’t they?

They rule by fear and judgement, also propaganda from the TV and mass media. I’ll go into that aspect further at some point, but today I’m generalizing.

In recent times in Britian, the ” Welfare reforms ” were brought in, but prior to that, propaganga ” shows” like, ” Benefit Britain ” were aired, also ” talk shows like Β ” Jeremy Kyle ” Β ( I call him Jizza vile, because what he’s doing is nothing short of vile… ) amongst many other “shows ” No true picture is being shown, only vilification of the poor and vunerable…. It’s disgusting and wrong, there’s plenty enough to go around this planet, but greedy currupt bastards in power, keep us on our knees, just so they can have it all to themselves.

I’m seeing and experiencing first hand, these ” Welfare reforms “. Does that shock you? How could someone with my gifts, be in this position? Yes ask yourselves that question, because I’ve asked it for over 30 years now, no provision made for the likes of me. I’m treated like something you’d wipe off your feet because of my situation, that is, until they see my art, then I must be mad or something, or lacking in some way.

This is sort of the case, in a way. I have been challenged with severe migraines all my life, to control them, I have to stay in most of the time. Everything I do can trigger them, so I have to be careful, as my creativity, is also a compulsion. My way of dealing with things. Because I’m an ” Aspien woman ” I also have hyper focus and a high pain barrier, I can overide almost any pain, if my mind is in creative mode, as I have to get the vision in my mind out. I have dedicated my full life to honing my skills and aquiringΒ new skills, I’ve also spent the majority of my adult life, trying to break free of the situation I’m in. I went as far as writing to the prime minister a good few years back. Many have come along and fed me words, also many have used my situation to their advantage.

Around four years ago roughly, my body paid the price for overworking it and hardly eating anything etc, I wasn’t aware that I was in constant ” fight or flight mode ” and always had been. Fear had ruled me all my life, anxiety being my constant companion.

All of a sudden, it felt like anyway, my legs didn’t work properly, I reckon that was from doing 25 hour shifts stood on ladders and of course, malnutrition. I had paid dearly for my vocation. I had to take stock, if I wasn’t able to achieve what I wanted to achieve, it would finish me. Amongst other things, I had to stop buying materials and going without to do so. I have worked on myself since to undo the self harm done to my body as a result of my compulsion getting out of control. Fear driven, that’s what it was back then ( what if the welfare benefits were scrapped, being my main one. ) I can only work efficiently in here, as I’ve been challenged amongst other things, with ” Social anxiety ” which in turn triggers bad headaches, blah blah. ) There was nothing apparently for the likes of me, that’s what I was told anyway.

Life’s certainly been challenging, that’s for sure, frustrating too at times, as I would wonder why I’d been blessed with these gifts, yet nothing had come of them, where I would finally be able to earn my own till, in a way that’s compatible with me. Especilly being a mother, you want the best for your children. I didn’t plan to be a single parent, but I was ” emotionally damaged ” too from trauma’s, so made poor choices back then.

I’m one of the lucky ones though, I’ve come to realise, there’s far worse hands dealt to folk, I see it regulary. Especially since the wefare reforms were introduced, I’ve witnessed the results, you wouldn`t treat an animal the way these poor people are being treated and that includes people with disabilities! It’s shocking and downright disgusting! They say ” get a job ” There’ s none to be had for most.

Most people in social housing, have endured some form of abuse, if not constant abuse. Adult’s that were once the kids people profess to care about, victims of paedophillia, physical and emotional abuse, children who’s parents were abused, I could go on, one guy I spoke to for example, who worked for an organisation that were supposed to be helping people ( That’s another story ). He was shocked, he reckoned 99% of people on social housing estates have been or are, victims of some form of abuse.

The schools are also set up for the kids to fail, now you can’t even bring your own children up, they seek to clone them and have them grow up without love and family closeness and people wonder why this society’s fucked up? This system bred all this, now they seek to divide and cull, because what else is it? People going without food for 4 days to pay ” bedroom tax ” on their HOMES, yeh their HOMES and that includes this place, MY HOME. Only for my son’s kindness, I would be in the same position.

I qualify for the lowest rates of DLA, when my ” conditions “combined, as I’m told, warrant a higher rate. It was hard enough in the first place to be awarded it, but after an appeal held in my house ( which totally traumatized me btw. ) I was Finally awarded it. The reason it’s not higher? Because I overide the pain to create and have done this place. Also I refuse to take prescribed pills on the whole, as I’m aware of how long term damage is caused. I believe in a holistic approach. I also have a doctor who largely dismisses me, I mean how can I function if I am the way I say I am? ( I don’t even want to go, but am forced to, so there’s ” proof ” for the benefits. ) In other words, I must be exagerating or something, no point in changing docs though, as his ” opinion ” will be carried over with the medical records he chose to record… I won’t even look at the copy I have, because it’ll incense me. I’d had my compulsion finally recognised at the last appeal at my home, I was given it for 5 years when I re applied. The welfare rights urged me appeal for a higher rate, even though I didn’t want to. The result? Four years were taken from me, despite her reassurance that nothing would be affected by my appealing. Dealing with the DSS is so traumatic for me, more so than anything I’ve lived, I have to relive all my challenges, they ask questions I can’t answer, timescales etc, it blows my mind and sets me back to square one. Now thanks to this system, I have to do it all again next year. Seeing no way out of my situation after making every effort is quite overwhelming…

So, see where I was at and in many ways still am? Why is this when I have so much to offer? It’s not like my work hasn’t been seen. Β Is it because I’m from a council estate, born and bred and might reveal how it really is? Well fuck you’s that’s EXACTLY what I plan to do…

I’ve achieved this place with hardly anything, but I paid the price too. I just ” slipped through the net ” yet again, back to square one eh, yeh right. πŸ™‚

Me being me, has this to quote springing to mind at this point, ” There’s fight in the old dog yet ” Now is the time to speak MY TRUTH. How many others like me eh? I know many personally and feel powerless at present to be able to help them, I have to be in a position to do so first, but I’ll not stop trying and I do have a plan, but in the meantime I need to finish my picture here, even if I have to pay to do so. ( Hard one to swallow that one but hey ho, I’m better off than many others. πŸ™‚

Right on that note, I’m off to start my day, not sure what I’m doing yet, I’ll just go with the flow and trust the universe, I felt to write this today. ( Ie; my inner guidence system urged me to do so. ) I am NOT ashamed of who I am or where I was born and if people want to judge me based on this shallow system’s version of success, then so be it, that’s their reality and their business. I’ll just crack on being true to myself and hopefully in the end it’ll all come together and I’ll be able to do what I really desire to do and that’s to bring about awareness and possibly change in my own little way.

No person is better than another, we all come from source energy. How we choose to be though is down to ourselves. I choose the light and love and all it encompasses.

LIVING THE MAGIC..!

Jen. XXX πŸ˜―πŸ˜‰πŸ˜€

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Update on creative endeavours… 30/06/2015… :)

I know it’s been a while since I updated here, to be honest, I rather enjoyed just slipping back into my own little world, it’s a beautiful place to just ” BE “. I was dithering on whether to just leave my space on private, but after a chat last night with a kindred soul, I decided to open it up again this morning. πŸ˜‰
Life has many challenges, for me too. I get overwhelmed at times, just like the next person, I’m lucky to have been blessed with my gifts, that enable me to escape from ” what is ” sometimes, gifts that empower me, no matter what is going on.
I do feel especially of late, that my work is spiritually based, that I just channel each creation from higher forces, it being relative to whatever comes into my reality. My songs, especially the last few, I feel have been messages of positivity and hope, usually relative to a particular person or event. I wrote a song three weeks ago and uploaded it onto my u tube space.
The song relates to a visit by my brother, where we got into deep conversation. Life’s challenges etc were discussed and bits of our childhood too. After he left, I was pondering, as you do, feeling for him and for myself too. Poignant memories of our shared love of music and dancing, we’d just play that music and dance life’s challenges right out of our system, so invigorating and empowering, almost tribal πŸ™‚
The tune was there, the lyrics followed the next morning. πŸ™‚
” The freedom song ” (C) Arthouse Wijn-Ton 2015.


I’ve been busy in this place, nothing’s changed on that front, but I’ve not focused as much on the creativity, as I’ve been space clearing, doing long overdue jobs and a general overhaul to give a new lease of life in here.
I’ve also been very busy in the back garden and it’s looking much better for it. I’ll upload pictures soon.
On the paining front, the” Ekata ” painting is coming along nicely and I’ve drawn out and started an oil painting on my bedroom wall. πŸ™‚ I’ll also upload pictures soon of the progression so far.
For now though, that sun is shining and it’s a beautiful day, so I’m going to crack on with my latest creative endeavour out there. πŸ˜‰
TTFN. Have a magical day!
Love and peace… πŸ™‚
Jen. xxx

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Update on creative endeavours… 07/02/2015… :)

I know it’s been a while since I wrote a post here.. my apologies for that.. but I needed to step back and actually have a life beyond the creativity and focus on improving my well being… I now feel more on form and have been doing some creative stuff.. albeit not a lot in comparison to what I’d normally do… πŸ™‚
On that note… πŸ˜‰
Last year I captured the formation of a song.. I named it ” Freeflow… ” ( It’s in the February section of last year’s posts on this space… ) Anyway finally after a long wait. the lyrics came through.. also some added parts to the tune… πŸ˜€ It was well worth the wait for me.. I feel I’ve taken the next step with this particular one.. it’s not quite finished yet.. I have to add a bar between part one and two and brush it up a tad.. but it’s nearly there and I thought I’d share the moment it came through.. with you… πŸ˜€
So here goes.. the song is now titled ” Angel dear… ” As per.. as with all my songs.. it was filmed on my laptop and was filmed to capture the magical moment the lyrics were channelled through.. not the greatest sound quality.. but a magical moment indeed… πŸ˜€

I’ve also been working on my ” Ekata ” painting and I’m happy with the progression so far… The style reminds me of the ” Lady of the dance ” painting.. also the ” Celebration painting… ( I’ve had some great ideas for the next stage of that one… )
Below is a picture of the progression so far… πŸ™‚
" Ekata " in progression.
Here’s another two pictures showing sections of the detail in it…
" Ekata " Section of detail.
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Spudz and Beanz.. my two ” Ragdoll cats ” I say that term for them very loosely… mmmm ( eyes rolling.. Rag Jen.. each other and the house more like… ) They’re a pair of characters and have me chuckling.. they’re great… πŸ˜€ Such independent not so little guys. free spirits for sure… πŸ˜€
Here’s a recent pic of them chilling early this morning next to the ” Ekata ” painting…
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Right time for me go get back to my painting.. I’ve been working on it for most of the day and am really enjoying doing this particular painting… πŸ™‚
Have a magical day/eve… πŸ™‚
Jen. xxx

Posted in Art therapy, Arthouse Wijn-Ton., Arthouse., Aspien woman., Calm in the storm., CPTSD., Drawing., Fine Art., Healing journey, Interior Design, Live music., Music, Oil paintings, Original song., Outsider art, Paintings, Pondering. | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Thoughts and some pics too… :)

Previous posts left me with a lot of mind chatter.. random memories popping up etc… I had to step back again.. to balance memories and associated feelings and emotions with creativity and positive things… It feels like I’m a different person now and all that stuff seems a lifetime ago…
I’ve questioned.. “Do I really want to tread those paths of distant memories again..? ” A big part of me doesn’t want to.. but it’s all made me who I am today.. so a bit of conflict going on in those quarters… Today I’ll just share some images with you.. my life at present.. a simple life.. but very fulfilling never the less…
No matter how I feel.. my eyes see the beauty that’s all around me.. that in itself makes me truly grateful for where I am today… Many fare far worse than I could ever even conceive.. I’m very aware of that and know that I was only touched with life lessons in comparison and was lucky enough to be given my gifts to counterbalance the many dark times in my life…
The biggest thing I did learn in order to appreciate what I do have.. is to just look out at that world.. the atrocities.. the horrendous suffering inflicted by humans onto other humans and anything else they can destroy… My little world is like a tiny sliver of heaven in comparison.. how could I not be grateful..?
Anyway.. here’s the pics.. have a magical day… πŸ™‚
Jen. xxx
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Nany and Lewis
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The final pic is of my latest oil painting.. ” Ekata ” that I have on going at present amongst other stuff… πŸ™‚ The word.. ” Ekata” is a Himalayan ( if I remember correctly ) word.. meaning ” unity ” …
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I’m a bit further on than in the above pic and will post a progression pic on my next post… πŸ™‚
Right on that note.. I’m off to do a bit more on my painting… πŸ™‚
Jen. xxx

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Pondering.. to diversify a little from the previous post…

Central top of fireplace
Labels.. everyone seems to have them these days.. meaning to me..? To be pigeonholed to fit in with the system’s criteria… Labels have their place.. I totally agree… Such labels being brought to my attention and my own experiences have led me over the years to read extensively just about everything on the spectrum to do with the mind… How else could I get to know the people of this world and also what was going on within myself… I am NOT a label though.. I am a person.. an individual.. unique and doing just fine… πŸ™‚
Perception… a persons view on things.. of life.. how they perceive another person to be…
I never had the ” help or support ” from anyone really to deal with my experiences and emotions attached and I’ve been in some dark places.. believe me.. I was so wrongly programmed.. I don’t use the term damaged.. the word itself has negative vibes.. like the person is less than.. damaged goods.. it’s not on in my world.. any term that does a person down isn’t… How the hell can that heal someone or make them feel good about themselves..?
I was wrongly programed and not equipped properly to deal with life.. I set about reprogramming myself.. because there was no one else to do it but myself and I had the responsibility of two children too… To break the chains you really do need to look within and I did this extensively for years… I also balmed the wounds with my creativity…
I had the word CPTSD thrown at me a year or so ago by the last person who decided that with my past experiences.. that I must have it… Again I went researching and reading up about the condition… I would never dismiss others opinions nor minimise the effects of this or any other condition in any way… I do have elements of it.. I call them legacies.. I don’t go out much.. my group of friends is small and I do get very anxious in new situations or if I feel people are judging or assuming things about me… Just because I haven’t gone down the conventional path of the system though.. ( made up by people just like myself by the way ) DOES NOT mean my way hasn’t worked for me and maybe will for others too… Anyone who knows me on a personal level would back me on this fully including my two children ( now grown up )
I resent anyone insinuating otherwise just because of my past… On the whole I’m happy.. I had something others may not have had to balance the harsh times.. I absolutely fly in my creative realm.. I’m happy and content with my family and have a strong bond with them.. I’ve never had so much as an antidepressant.. The only way to heal something that’s happened in my reality is to deal with it.. not mask it with pills.. that’s my opinion and my belief and I’m entitled to this just the same as the next person is entitled to their opinions and beliefs…
I had my creative mind and an inquiring one at that… The information gleaned over the years allowed me to heal myself and make me who I am today and I’m ok.. Done all the soul searching.. been there done that as they say…
When abuse in any form has happened there needs to be an holistic approach I believe…The system seems to give only one side of it from what I see… I’m not dismissing this side.. it’s very important to have the information to reprogram the brain.. to give another perspective other than your own.. but I believe the real answers along with this info.. lie within each and every one of us… the info helps the left hand side of the brain.. the logical side to make sense of it all.. but this doesn’t deal with all that pent up emotion that’s there as a result.. in a positive way…
Emotion comes from the right side of the brain.. the creative side.. so again my belief is.. this needs to released in a positive way.. any endeavour on the creative front uses the right side of the brain… Emotions.. feelings.. all derive from the right side so no logic can release this aspect.. as the info goes to the left hand side of the brain.. what’s needed I feel.. is to connect both IE: counselling along with creative therapy… I’ll read something for instance and it may be a trigger.. now I’ll recognise it as such and consciously channel the feeling out by doing something creative.. I’ll also play music and sing etc.. all release the emotions felt at the time and leave me feeling blissed out and free.. ” just being ” It’s great… πŸ˜€ Guaranteed success… πŸ˜€
I do have to control it though.. I used to do gruelling sessions.. not realising even.. how many hours had passed by.. that took it’s toll on me physically in the end… Now I’m in the process of sorting that out… πŸ™‚
This is why now I can step back a bit from the art and focus on healing my body and enjoying my family etc… This is how I’ve got to the point I can write about these things as it may help someone else to help themselves reach a stage in their own life where they find inner peace… πŸ™‚
I don’t pretend to know everything.. I know very little in the big scheme of things.. but what I do know.. is myself and what works for me and you know what? I like me and it took a long time and a lot of work on myself to be able to say this.. but yeh I’m doing just fine… πŸ˜€
On that note my painting awaits..! πŸ˜€
Have a magical day/eve
Jen. xxx
Lady of the dance.

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Where it all began…

Baby in Celebration painting.
I don’t plan to go into detail about my childhood.. suffice to say there were some harsh experiences… I more want to talk about things I saw all around me and the emotions evoked by witnessing and being at the receiving end of various life lessons…
I was born on 2nd December 1966 into an inner city council estate… 28 Nuneaton Drive.. Miles Platting.. Manchester.. UK.. was my birthplace.. I was born at home.. the second of 4 children… My dad was a builder and mum was a care assistant.. working with the elderly…
There’s lots of blanks in my childhood.. but one of my earliest memories.. was drawing on the bedroom wall at the side of my cot.. mum would let me too… πŸ™‚
Another memory.. the nursery teachers.. pulling me off my mums legs.. I was traumatized and could never cope with school…
This isn’t easy.. to take my mind back into my childhood evokes too many negative emotions.. I hated my childhood in general.. hated that house and especially hated that area… The energies were dark and heavy.. unbearably so… It wasn’t so much the people.. they were all just victims of circumstance and most made the best of the hard hand of cards they’d been dealt.. it was just the general air that prevailed around there… It was a horrible area.. ten minutes walk from town centre.. surrounded by mills and not many trees… There was a canal about five minutes walk from the house that ran along side some of the mills… I could see what is now called Victoria mill from the front bedroom window.. I knew it as Hollands mill.. it looked massive and creepy to me.. the kids would say Anna Bella was up in the tower and would get you if you dared venture up there…
There were loads of paedo’s.. I couldn’t look out of my back bedroom window without being subject to a guy masturbating at his living room window at all the kids on the block it turned out… He’d beckon us over.. no way was I going.. he terrified and repulsed me…We’d put a front of bravado up.. but…
You’d play out and it was almost guaranteed you’d get flashed at or approached.. or you’d witness violence etc or be at the receiving end of it… Don’t get me wrong.. there was a community spirit too.. a lot of good honest people struggled to survive on these estates and I did have some fun times too.. usually getting up to mischief with my younger sister… πŸ™‚
I’m aware I was hard work for mum… As a baby I had to be fed every hour and have medicine, due to digestion issues.. I just rocked and cried all the time apparently as a toddler.. I also stopped communicating or responding to anyone… I was sent for various tests, hearing etc. I was then sent to.. I think it was a child psychologist who decided I was actually advanced for my age and bored so I needed to be in school..???
How they came up with that one I don’t know.. what I do vaguely remember was I didn’t like any of them so did the opposite of everything they asked on the tests.. but not responding in any way to them only to defy everything they asked me to do…
I was put into the nursery at St Patricks.. a roman catholic convent school.. I was the youngest child to go into nursery back then…
The nuns were anything but gentle and loving in general.. some of them were really nasty… I found school hostile and scary and I’d sneak off to the paint boards on the corridor and lose myself in a painting.. they always found me there and would punish me for getting off… There was one nun though.. ” Sister Conceilia ” she loved me and radiated pure love and beauty.. I used to wonder why she was a nun.. she was too nice to be one of them… She sort of got me and would look out for me… πŸ™‚
Right I’m going to leave it at this point.. my body’s shaking and I’m welling up.. I’ll be ok though.. it’s just a remembered emotion and will pass as soon as I take my focus from this post… πŸ™‚
Now too channel out this feeling in a positive way.. I’m off to do some plasterwork or continue on my ” Ekata ” painting… I’ll continue when I feel able again… I realise the above may appear a bit random and maybe a bit fragmented.. but I just have to let out what comes through… You will get the general idea I hope in the end.. as to what moulded me back then and right up to present day… πŸ™‚
Section of " Celebration " painting
Have a magical day/eve… πŸ™‚
Jen.xxx

Posted in Art garden, Art therapy, Arthouse Wijn-Ton., Arthouse., Calm in the storm., childhood abuse., Drawing., Fine Art., Healing journey, Interior Design, Landscape gardening, Live music., Music, Oil paintings, Original song., Ornamental garden., Outsider art, Paintings, Poetry..., Pondering., Sculpture, The storm. | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments