In recent posts, I have mentioned the autistic spectrum. Autistic/Artistic, not much difference between the two words and they really do go hand in hand, where I’m concerned.
I feel there’s been a lot of bad press about autism, but ” autistic spectrum ” really is just that and is unique to each individual.
I can only speak from a personal point of view, but, I will try to give some insight right from the horses mouth, so to speak 😉
I had always felt different, for as long as I have memories. I hid behind my gifts, I always felt like an idiot in conversation with others, also when my mind wouldn’t sometimes take in information.
It could be days sometimes before information etc processed. I wasn’t slow by any means, just where conveying back information elequently was concerned. I also struggled not to butt in, when someone was talking. This wasn’t just anxiety related, although throughout the years, anxiety reigned more predominantly. I would try to get something across before my mind ditched it and was onto the next thought. I call it mind chatter. It became much easier to stay away from people in the end.
Who I was, didn’t have a label, neither was the physical discomfort I was in, I was just like my mam and she just soldiered on, even to this day, so I never questioned any of it.
My mam found relief and joy doing interior design in the home, she could make anything, build anything, decorate, lay floors, make clothes and shoes, her knowledge knew no bounds in our little world, she was also a perfectionist in every thing she undertook. She taught me well. ( 😓😬😵 Only joking hehe. 😁 )
We were all amazed once when she went to town on her own, thought she was really brave. It bring tears to my eyes having seen the years of suffering and her battle through the lot. She made sure, knowing I was of a similar nature, that I had those same strengths, giving up wasn’t in her volcabulary.
We were taught that knowledge is power, also love, kindness, empathy, compassion etc.
Some of it seems at odds with the autism spectrum doesn’t it. Amongst ourselves we literally communicate our own way. We all interrupt each other and diversify from any given topic but we get each other most of the time. My son, sussed it out. His words ” Our minds work too quickly and can appear fragmented and appear to diversify from the subject matter, but down the line, it’s all relative to the given conversation at the time. ” He’s patient, so patient hehe. 😊 Bless. 😁
My creativity is now considered a compulsion, I would call it, devotion, channeling, being at one and literally being on an ethereal level, magical, mystical and wonderous. It’s like existing in another reality and is very addictive. I spoke through my creativity, have lived and breathed it, a mission I set out to achieve on my own. My thoughts as a child? Others taught themselves, so why couldn’t I and do it my way? I could be easily put off things, so someone teaching me was a non starter, after all they were only people like me and it meant doing all of the above, I’ve mentioned.
I felt equal to others in my creativity, could speak with knowledge about it. I had worked so hard to achieve anything, I also had issues there, still do. My hands would jerk, lines would be shaky, my body would go ridged and my jaw would lock, trying to get out what was inside. A bad headache always followed, really bad.. just like my mam… She over rode it all, or would be on the bed really poorly, so I never questioned it and followed suit.
I don’t really plan to mention the rest of my family here, I feel it’s not my place or business to. I only mention my mam, as the way she was, is so relative to the person I am today.
I’m going to finish for now, but I would like to add something. Just because autistic people are wired differently, don’t underestimate their minds, it’s communicating they can have difficulty with, amongst other things. Some have amazing minds and each one is a total individual in their own right. I have noted since my official diagnoses, that some seem to perceive that my mind isn’t on their level and try to speak to me accordingly, I find this very irritating, I am still the same person. Also autism, is not mental illness, ( Please note I’m in no way doing mental health down in any way ) Autism is a type of persona and there are many qualities too, that are directly related to that persona.
Another of my ” compulsions ” is, the workings of the mind and emotions. I also have learned many life lessons along the way, that make me who I am today and I now embrace ALL of me, warts and all. After all, we can only know our own reality. Life is what we make it after all and it can be a beautiful journey, it’s how we ourselves perceive it to be.
I’ve found a way to communicate my thoughts, right here. Takes a while but I muddle through and get there in the end. 🙂
Feel free to ask me anything about any of the above. If there’s a delay in me replying, it’ll be either, I’m on a creative endeavour, or I’m burned out and not able. 😴 I will get back to you at some point though. 🙂.
Have a beautiful day/eve
Jen. XXX. 🙂